Dear Geezers
How fortunate do I feel to have stumbled upon your group one September morning this fall? Among the kindergarten classrooms and infant child care where I spent my time volunteering, I was gifted a wisdom and conversation of a completely different sort over our steaming cups of coffee on Monday mornings.
Before leaving for Honduras I was gifted a copy of Robert Keagan’s In Over Our Heads, which was often referenced during our discussions. The book details stages of mental development and how these affect a person’s way of knowing. I must admit, before this trip, before this year, I would hardly have given the cover a second look. After hearing Keagan’s theories referenced so often I was curious, but I still never made an effort to obtain a copy or start reading. It does not fall within my usual repertoire and I cannot imagine it is a book I would have picked out myself. The universe has a funny way of working things out, and as it was, a personal goal of mine was to finish at least ten books while here in Honduras. I wedged the gift between two pairs of jeans, zipped up my suitcase, and added this one to the list.
It was not a short read, but as I began to work my way through In Over Our Heads I was amazed at the way each chapter related to my life here. The first section, focusing on youth and adolescence, I found relatable to my current state of transition. I smiled as Keagan detailed the want for a child to “have friends but not be led around by them…to have a mind of his own.” I silently remarked on my decision to abandon the path of my peers, leave my friends and family in Ohio, and move to Central America. I have spent the last year leading myself around and this has allowed me to make many new friends. I showed that I have a mind of my own, but it has not been easy to see and hear about everyone moving on and living life without me in it.
The first section also discusses growth. Keagan says, “people grow best where they continuously experience an ingenious blend of support and challenge.” If that does not describe my life here to a t, then I am afraid I will never experience true growth. Here I face challenge every waking moment being surrounded by an unfamiliar language, culture, and landscape. I could shut down, retreat to my room, and hide behind my computer screen where I can comfortably communicate in English and vicariously live my life as I did before through pictures and videos. In doing so I would deny myself the opportunity to learn. This culture has welcomed me. These people have taught me. The mountains humble me and leave me in awe every day that the world is full of more than cornfields and suburban developments. I have a support network reaching further than I know: readers of the blog, the reminder of prayers from all over, and of course my support here from the staff, other LTVs, and phone calls from back home.
More than anything the book has helped me relate better to people who relate differently than I do. I did not have the same upbringing as these kids, or even as my co-LTVs. We all have different ways of knowing and understanding. This sometimes shows in what we prioritize and why. For example, I live by my watch. I believe keeping to a schedule and meeting deadlines shows respect for other people’s time. That is how I was raised. Timeliness and punctuality are not valued here as they are at home. In our house we experienced a difference of opinion regarding what is “clean” and what is “dirty”. I believe sweeping, mopping, and cutting the grass to keep a tidy living space is important. I cannot tell someone else they should be bothered by the errant shoes and piles of dust gathering in the living room, even if it drives me crazy. I work in a classroom with students who do not yet grasp the concept of adding by 10’s. To someone who has already taken calculus, this can be quite frustrating. Understanding goes beyond considering other perspectives to considering a person’s way of knowing and how they learned to be that way.
I believe the timing of this book being brought into my life could not have been better. The information I learned through reading Keagan’s theories is helping me to be more understanding and compassionate. I am able to accomplish more through my work and build better relationships than I could have before. Keagan reminds us “it is we who are doing the constellating.” The way I see things is only in my own head, and each of us paints a different picture. Thank you Geezers, for sharing your perspectives, so I can continue to expand mine.